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Jun. 28th, 2014



So there's this kid.

Well, not kid. But I kind of just call anyone who's younger than me kid. But he's an adult.

Anyways. Sometimes he gets a little....I don't know the word for it. Like, he tells me how much he loves me and how amazing I am, and I know it sounds like it should be flattering, but it's not, not really, it actually makes me uncomfortable and I've tried telling him that but he doesn't seem to register it -- or he just doesn't want to listen, I don't know.

He follows me on all of my Tumblr blogs (currently five), and if I don't answer his message on one blog, he'll go and message me on another. And he messages me on anon. And I know it's him because I have a thing on my blog that tracks who's there and what page they're on and I know is OS and location and all the stuff that the tracker shows. And it's just...it creeps me out.

I've already blocked him on two blogs, but honestly that doesn't do any good - he can just go to my askbox and message me on anon, and I don't want to turn anon off on my roleplay blogs because anonymous questions are a big part of roleplaying and they're where a lot of my activity comes from. And I mean I just ignore the messages for the most part, but...the fact that they exist at all...idk.

And it just bugs me and makes me all around uncomfortable and...blah.

May. 30th, 2014


26 Days

It's been 26 days since my girlfriend broke up with me. Yes, I'm counting. Can't really help it.

The problem is, she didn't want to break up with me. She's poly, her fiancee forced her to do it with the threat that she'd leave her, and they've been together (sort of) since she was sixteen. Of course she's going to choose her fiancee.

And I'm not really bitter about it. I'm not, I swear. I had no ill will towards her fiancee until recently.

"Recently" being six days ago when my ex texted me out of nowhere saying we couldn't even be friends now (despite what she promised when she broke up with me) because it was "unhealthy" for her relationship with her fiancee.

Well she texted me today. And after a little bit of small talk I finally asked why she was texting me and she said she missed me but she shouldn't have texted me because her fiancee "would be pissed if she knew."

I pose zero threat to their relationship. It hurt when she broke up with me and I didn't hide that, but I never once tried to make her break up with her fiancee or choose me over her fiancee. I backed off. I was okay with just being her friend. As long as she was still in my life.

But now she's not because her fiancee doesn't want her talking to me. Which I would understand if I was sitting there trying to seduce her or make her leave her fiancee, but I wasn't. I just wanted to be friends. And I know she wants to be friends too.

But she can't. Because her fiancee won't allow it.

Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?

Mar. 21st, 2013


*curls up*

So I found out today my great-grandmother on my father's side fell on Sunday, and she's been in the hospital ever since because they couldn't get her oxygen levels up.

Tonight they moved her to ICU because there's too much fluid around her heart.

I'm completely dependent on my father for information. My father who I haven't had a proper conversation since I was 12, and haven't even seen since I was 3.


Feb. 18th, 2013

Lookit That

It is...

Hour 10.28! Why the hell did I think it was a good idea to take this shift? I mean, it's only an extra hour (11 hours instead of 10), but holy WOW am I dying. Thank god there are no classes today.

And to top it all off, I didn't get ANY schoolwork done. Oops!

31 minutes to go!

Jan. 25th, 2013



Oh my god. This week.

Classes starting, Gatepost drama already, UGH.

But it's Friday. That's good. My friend is bringing her baby to visit. He's adorable. I'm excited.

Yay weekend!

Dec. 14th, 2012


So just in case...

Today couldn't get any worse. There was the shooting in Connecticut, which was a little too close to home in that it reminded me I have elementary-age cousins who I really just want to hug right now.

And now they're saying someone from the school got hit crossing route 9. Details haven't been confirmed yet, but there's a rumor going around about who it is, and now I'm worried because it's someone I KNOW. We're not friends per say, but we're friendly enough - I get to know people working at desk, and it's someone I see a lot. And I really just hope it's not who they say it is. I hope it's not a student, period.

Can we erase December 14 from the calendar?

EDIT: Confirmed. It was a student. It was someone I knew.

Dec. 13th, 2012



I was bullied into going out to dinner tonight with people I really didn't want to be with.

In retaliation, I had alcohol.

It was good.

I'm not drunk.

Nov. 24th, 2012



I, as a rule, do not flirt. A) Because I'm horrible at it. B) Because I feel like that's just teasing, and I don't tease.

So a few months back, my mother told me we got a new manager at the store we use to work at together (I quit at the end of the summer). She said he's a bit of a geek, like me, and I'd probably really like him. Well apparently she told him about me too, because he looked me up on Facebook, and we started talking, and....I think I might have flirted with him. Just a little, though, I swear. And totally by accident. But we got off that track pretty fast and I kind of just forgot about it. Then I told him I was heading to bed, aaaaaand...he called me hun. And, um, fuck. Call me crazy, but I feel like that's not a general term one calls just anybody. I know the only person that ever called ME it was my ex-boyfriend.

Um....gyah. I don't handle this stuff well. I broke up with my last boyfriend back in February because me and dating? Just no. And okay, we flirted a bit tonight, but it was harmless, right? Right?

Nov. 6th, 2012



Okay. I had an oral presentation today in my 10:30 class. I'm not good at oral presentations. Last time I stood up in front of class (two years ago), I broke down crying and my friend had to drag me out of the classroom.

Apparently I haven't changed much.

Wait, yes I have - I had the good sense to get myself out before I completely broke down.

So yeah. My professor was very understanding, at least - I told her at the beginning of the semester that there was a possibility of that happening, and in my defense, I did come back in and finish it when I was done crying. So it wasn't a total fail.

Still. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been in the exact same classroom that I had the first panic attack in sophomore year.

Oct. 16th, 2012


A Little Wierded Out

So Saturday night I was working, and there was a slight problem with a student restricted from the building trying to get in. Campus police ended up getting involved, reports were written, etc. etc, I moved on.

Well today I ran into the kid (who's no longer restricted), and he accused ME of calling campus police. Except I didn't call. And I told him that, but he kept going at it. I walked away, but the whole thing kind of...freaked me out a little. It probably wouldn't be as bad if we didn't live in the same building, but we do, and I'm fairly easy to find, and...I don't know. I don't like it, though. I talked to the RD of the building, he told me to write it up and if it happens again let him know. Really hope it doesn't happen again.

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